Manu and Alithea

They are the best to see together - when you are the parent you can't see yourself with your child you can only feel the feelings so to see Alithea with her father is treat

dragonfly

Downtown perfectly flat was a dragonfly on the sidewalk - something like insects under paper weights you might find in a tourist shop - just there in all that sun -

the smile I love

Alithea's smile is the first thing i see whe wakes smiling It fills me so and I am so glad I chose to do the family bed again (of course) I don't miss anything and I am right there when she wants to nurse She is the happiest child when she wakes up and the first word right now out of her mouth every morning is book said in Swiss German so it sounds more like boogk - The photo of me and my Mom is cool because I don't remember another one (i am sure there is one but not in my recent memory) the other photos are all at least 10 years old - I am no doubt wrong about this but this is the one I like

Detroit

KIalynn is the daughter of my Mom's good friend in Detroit and since she has become someone in my life that I value and her little girl Myli(not sure about the spelling) was over to the house during my Mom's visit and we all shared a exchange on mother's and daughter's that allowed me to express and remember some important things - like I miss my role model whenever my mom is not taking care of herself etc it bothers me in so many ways even though I see her as her own person that connection still touches something in me - I recently started to call on women in my family going back seven generations asking them to show up - it is an amazing feeling and one that brought instant tears - i have so mauch that i want to weep about - it feels good when i tap into that deep joy and sadness it's important and holds much info for me - On Granny's last visit to New York she was radiant she never looked so beautiful to me - she was playing with Alithea and I was thinking how quick her mind is and sense of humor and of course one should age this way On their own terms - She teaches me a great deal just to See her is my honor - I take photos and draw electric outlets because they look to me like the past - I have made a project out of them for a few years now just documenting them - the idea of plugging into the wall is one that is on it's way out - We are shifting to new energy sources and the next one will be something we have no current name for and it will not be something that can be exploited but more assumed like solar but not solar

every seven

The plant shown here is at the botanic garden in Brooklyn - a woman there brought to our attention that the plant had been there for seven years and this is the first time it has bloomed - The color is this amazing purplish blue

with Lavender

I tend to blow things up bigger than they are - this keeps me from seeing the simple truth - what is required is a shift a grateful shift - a willingness to share and the courage to say what hurts - I am afraid that if I write my true feelings that I will be stuck with a reality that isn't mine - once I get something out then and only then do I find shifting with ease possible - I can feel how much energy it takes to hold back - AM I creating conflict? The project that is dear to me involves children - I see everyday children/babies being fed the worst food - do they live on snacks? chips for breakfast etc. - when I walk into any corner store I am met with the filth of the store the lack of real choice and products and poison - the candy is cheap and right at the place where you checkout - the other day I told a mother about how I usually mind my own business (quiet scream) but the fact that she was feeding her BABY some of her frozen pop (frozen colored sugar that comes in a long plastic tube shape) I had to just say "Please don't give your baby that sugar at such a young age - he's a baby - it's dangerous" I see this all the time beautiful children with bows in their hair and cute clothes shoveling in garbage and leaving trash on the ground subway etc - I think everyday how to address this issue ( film or street theater(Manuel's idea) - I hadn't thought of street theater hmmmmmm see Rev. Billy - anyway I want to be respectful and create respect and awareness in an otherwise shut-down part of the community - EVERYWHERE - kids deserve a chance at greatness - I see what our children are fed and how as a huge part of the destruction or healing/creative of what gets passed on - I can also see it as a despite all that - beauty... but that is so much about acknowleging blessings - urban communities of color have serious problems and it is no accident that these areas have the worst food choices - Chinese restaurants with bullet-prooff glass ahhhhhh I want to say stop eating here(phone rings...) ok - there is a feeling from seeing the stores and what they offer and how they smell - there is a lack of farmer's markets (seeing where food comes from) and yet not all people in the community make bad choices I am constantly seeing yoga classes health food stores etc - so this project spills out a bit here as it comes together within me - I need beautiful and inspiring - - these are by no means final thoughts on this project and it is clear I will have to reach out to see this one through
I have made choices about the way I choose to raise Alithea that for me make it difficult for now to do my art - raising Sasha was different I had my mom and Thomai and Tom - even with Manuel who supports me and believes in me sooo much it has been a challenge - this time will shift as she gets older and there is a chance I will do this again so I need to be clear about myself and with myself and stand behind my choices and what I really feel is important to me at this time - I forget sometimes and get frustrated even comparing me (mama of Sasha to me mama of Alithea) why can't I seem to get any work done - I take responsiblity for the opportunities that I do and don't manifest - AHH just sort this out - we are creating such a beautiful life together and I don't want to make it seem like I am not grateful - I am so aware of all I have to be grateful for - I know what I needed in the past to work so what I must to is create new ways to work rather than waiting for those old spaces to open up because that could take awhile -
"you gotta be in hell to see heaven - glimpses from the land of the dead - a joy as old as suffering..." is what i am grateful to Patriarchy for - ahhhh so much blood for even my kind to exist (mixed)What are we here for ? here to go and here to honor and create what thrives- cherish with all of your being - yes your life is that light moving forward and leaving a mark (map) I am grateful that my sister shares with me and cares -
that i love writes