Christmas on our way to Brasserie 81/2

Every year we have family dinner with Manuel's uncle Robert and his partner Harvey and Alice and various folks - this year Michael Mirlas joined in and made my evening - Alithea was and is so cute as she flutters about charming all she lets in her space of charm - she finally grew into the dress we got her last year - I like this restaurant the food was good and the entrance with it's huge sweeping staircase is so like whatever film comes to mind - I star in my own film often

it's cold out

We noticed that there were few pictures with me and Alithea - so that is changing - the mother daughter relationship is under represented as is - hahahahah

Transformed

An Honor

after letting his hair grow for years "Is it long enough for cornrolls" "Can you braid it yet" not even in high school yet - 8th grade I think - the time had come for a shift - to change a familar - to be more of self - and I got to cut it off - he made a noise as the process of cutting began - "it's never to late to get out of the chair" this too is an experience - sitting there an honoring your first knowing - love you Sasha

Alithea was witness to the event - it was special and so cool of Sasha to share it with me - to assume it

Me and you

and now we clean the collards

Nothing Is All It Takes


In the magical universe there are no coincidences and there are no accidents. Nothing happens unless someone wills it to happen.” William Burroughs




The Adulterous Woman by Albert Camus is a story told from a third person perspective or from a seeing eye; this third eye where we can look into the intimate and locate ourselves or ready ourselves for a revolt of a different kind. There is a force working on many levels, on the surface it is a story of a couple alienated from each other and themselves, it is also the story of a French couple in Algeria, a country fighting for independence from the French, the French who were just defeated four years earlier in Dien Bien Phu what was known as Indochina. The story is a constant merge of micro and macro world views and the power of creation held by both. “A housefly had been circling for the last few minutes in the bus, though the windows were closed. An odd sight here, it had been silently flying back and forth on tired wings.”(3). There is something absurd going on that tells of what is to come, there has been a break in the routine and opportunity for change is present. “An odd sight here…” Janine will be that odd sight running in the cold, later in the story and she will be noticed and seen and embraced(ritual). ”Garlands of stars hung down from the black sky over palm trees and houses.”(31). Camus uses beautiful, delicate and at times cliché words (like when the couple stop at a hotel) to paint images of revolt against the order of things on a personal and national level, the words he chooses allow for access to both sides. For example, we find the words struggle and invaded used to discuss the elements and the sun on page 31 but this creates also (another layer) an opening for change (one can trace the events of what seems magical because everything is always communicating, it must be seen), “At the top of the avenue, however, lights appeared, then descended toward her zigzagging.”(31).Then we have “…extended its straight lines all the way to reddish horizons. But the wind had risen and gradually swallowed up the vast expanse.”(5). The use of nature as a force and as something constantly speaking and seeing is beautifully done in the story, Janine becomes a second bride as she goes out into the night and breathes (inspire) this cold that burns like an initiation from her former self to the transformed (surrender). The power here that she encounters dwarfs the power of her husband Marcel and of the French occupiers, allowing her access to that quiet (solitude) confidence of “the Arabs”. “They encountered Arabs who stepped out of their way without seeming to see them.”(16). The act of seeing is important in the story, Camus uses words like mantra almost to lift a veil of perception and allow the reader to shift as well, just as the wind is symbolic of change but not only symbolic, as the deity Oya is change itself. Oya is not in the story proper but Camus gives the elements this kind of respect and power as seen in the end with Janine’s relationship with the cold wind (entering the body – ritual).

Nothing is a word that approaches the end of the story, it is found numerous times and functions as a thread through a map, “Nothing about him seemed active…”(4).”Twenty-five years were nothing”(6). “No, nothing had happened as she had expected.”(7). It goes on like this and remains in the context connected to what is to come. Marcel’s first words are “What a country!”(4). Janine had contempt for Marcel and he has contempt for Algeria, he is mute almost only speaking to Janine about what relates to him, she is exiled in his kingdom. It is the space and alienation that allows for her to cultivate over time an eye to see herself, she thinks of her body and she ponders her name and how it doesn’t suit her, she remembers the power she once had as a gymnast, this is how time is utilized best in the story, as a tool for change, and how memory as well serves as a possible creator of choice. Time is not however honored in the western tradition and falls away into the void in Algeria where such rules that are followed blindly become absurd. There is a language spoken and a language to be learned here, it isn’t so much Arabic but the ability to see what creates our world and ourselves, to know the forces at work in life. In the end Janine honored what she discovered with silence, she too now speaks the language


Fork

revision

Daughter

I return to my perfection
To be eaten
I want to devour again
It is memory under my skin

Your home stays with me
Is me
And I am - my hand
across your back
The width of a single slice
of bread – now our oneness

Detachable

The womb shifts definition
Pull from my inner body

Leaving is constantly

A time for need
turns to sleep
I want to hold you and see you
To remember and be now
Curve everywhere
Nourish a spiral open



Fork

Alithea and Madeleine

I am having that thing where words look funny so I am sure that I have mispelled the boys name "the boy " as Julia calls him sometimes hhahahah - oh thats awful - sorry - Alithea and her buddy from French class Maddy - who I think looks a bit like Hanz use to as a toddler

permission to sleep

Thea and I go to the park - I push Alithea in her stroller - using a stroller is new for her and she had to be told it was ok to fall asleep in the stroller - now she rides in it and enjoys it and I miss carrying her everywhere - now it is me asking her if I can put her in the ergo carrier on my back






http://www.sorridente.org/laughing_revolution.html - Oh here it is the link for Lada whose design and redo ideas are wonderful not to mention her amazing artwork done with found material

garden party

One of many garden gatherings this summer - Lada came with Rolando and told us of her project the Laughing Revolution - she is an artist living in Italy and of course aunt Dreiky came by and brought her magic - we had hibiscus and rose petal tea and bread offering was soooo good - and my Alithea is queen of the garden - you can google laughing revolution and Lada's website will come up - ok on to more pics

Eleutheria

Fate of ghosts
order surrounding you
with it’s two ends
new skin happens

Seeing takes place
Being seen and my other
you - is here
Formless our us is without nothing

Stranger no longer describes you
you are my now my god
you are all I recognize
you bring forth

Vibration replaces me
I trust nothing more than this moment
I inhale eden’s rebirth
the sound of your teeth’s whiteness

I assign you sandlewood wet hibiscus because I
follow a story you began because I
the shortest story is about losing everything
our skin moves against liquid drying in the wind

We became us - a great gift
Breathed into power of cycle
Sun rises passes over cement and flower

Death is refusing to loose yourself everywhere
Seeing while being seen is god




This poem is dedicated to a beautiful person I saw one day and who saw me back and to all those moments on being seen between "strangers" that makes everything go away and illuminates the now and the possiblilty - in these moments being human is something I am sooo grateful to be

Dream transformation

Last night dreamed in sequence or parts where me or my sister encountered items that we kept safe and while in our hands a light that was divinity in the form of a higher power came and became one with our physical being - everytime she touched something the space filled with light - in the dream I was telling her how much joy this is to see and how amazing it was that humanity would never be the same - even the "villan" in the dreams missed the poison i had put out for him and it didn't matter because the threat was not real and he was welcomed/ignored

New York

old and new exist in New York together creating a separate beauty a shifting beauty - all the new buildings are glass - glass is the theme the material of every new structure going up and here I see my old favorite signs hanging on - this city moves like memory - like loss - the last phone booth was on 57th in that subway station on 7th ave I believe - they are no more - our physical self involved with structure has shifted to lighter and lighter portable and personal - there are no public phones in Zurich except the one at the train station - so Alithea and I were at MOMA and I was looking for a pay phone I was directed to a tiny corner near the restrooms and there it was shiny and black and soon to be in a museum itself - I looked at Alithea and back at this phone and it seemed silly and huge in my hand - it's all good

august

Alithea met her uncle Fabian for the first time this week and she started using more of her Swiss German words - we had a wonderful week - next week will shift our lives again as Sasha (my Sasha ) returns to school and his new dorm area sounds like such fun - it will be strange around here for Alithea and I for sure - she runs in to wake him with hugs every morning - they have spent some special time this summer for sure

by the hand

Alithea pulls me by the hand alot now - we planted her tree - going to have a look see - it thrives -

sugar maple

upstate visiting and Alithea's sugar maple tree

garden says ciao to painting

Time for more cut pics of Alithea!!!!

death of a painting

This painting - Healing Hands - has crumbled - some history behind this one of seven pieces this was the one standing some 7ft tall - this one had a home at Rubulad when it was in Williamsburg on 5th street - I wasn't there to save it on moving day but Miles another painter had taken to a safe house if you will where the occupants of the house had mixed feelings about it so my baby looked kind of beat up when I came to rescue it one day from this obscure location - parts were missing - It had a door attached to the canvas (I carried this HEAVY door from the train station in Jersey to my door) I remember stopping every few steps to let the blood return to my hands - this was also during the time that Soupchain was staying with me and he inspired the figure towering over the rest of the painting with her hands open - HEALING and LIGHT -there was layers of words from a book found at a booktable some of the books had collage that some playwright had done in them I think it was Orton ( not sure about name spelling but the story goes he would take books from the library and re-do them - he died ) thats another story - my favorite part of the painting is the boys face I find it haunting and beautiful - one panel is a photo of Soupchain and the rest is more found pics - It has been living in my garden in the rain and heat so we moved it to a nice spot back there and noticed the mold growing on the back - on trash it day Sasha picked it up ever so slightly and it fell apart - It was beautiful I got goosebumps just looking at the decay and how it fell how it said ciao - this is also the one Hanz painted on when he came to visit - I still have the boys face and the dollar signs Hanz sprayed on - xoxoox